I am here to tell you, just in case no one ever has, please don’t think your sadness and your sorrows are here to stay.
No, no, no.
These things are only fleetingly touching you and holding you down. Even though you may think they are with you to stay, you can believe me when I say they’ll surely pass.
You can conquer this. You know you will. You will defeat it and know when to declare, “Enough.” You are a powerful, a deeply courageous one—have faith despite the clouds that hover above.
Maybe it doesn’t seem that way now, or when you look towards the future, and I know that distant days can seem too brutal to endure. I hear you when you say this overwhelms you. It absorbs your heart and captures all your thoughts.
But trust me please, sweetheart, you will come through this. There are magnificent moments waiting beneath the downy wings. And they are all yours, pausing, so very patiently, until you open and uncoil from this tight spring.
If I had a magic wand I’d take your aches and agony and I’d gladly ease your burden to make them mine. I’d endure those painfully sharp and menacing angry raining blows. I’d ask for every ruthless sensation that you suffer. I’d embrace it all.
Do you want to know why I would do this?
Not because I am built of steely armor, or because my skin is hardened from such cold. No, you see old friend, those cruel relentless torments cannot harm me. No one can break me down with their force. I got to know those menacing foes, once, long ago, on a bitter lonely night when I was lost, forgotten and abandoned in the wildness of this world.
We fought it out. I battled. I raged, I screamed and cried at them. I wept and fell and pleaded at their feet.
And through those tears that flooded rivers and my sighs that caused tornadoes to erupt, comfort never called to me and no loving arms moved in to soothe my cares. I wrestled with my nightmares all alone. I faced demons, and skeletons and witnessed ghostly shapes that make the daylight dark. I was haunted and hunted. I almost gave in, broken, numbed and tortured mixed as one. I ran and forsake my body. I tried to drown out and escape the wrath of harm. I was an empty shell, an outline. I was a fragmented face I truly did not know.
It took me all my strength but I finally sat at the edge with them. I asked them what exactly they were here to show. And you know, my friend, they weren’t against me. They told me I was the one against myself. I was fighting when instead I had to learn to allow.
Now, understand, I do not mean for you to allow external harm. Walk away, my God, run if you have to. No one gets to consistently cause you pain. I’m talking about the pain you cause yourself, delicate one. Trying to deny and reject the feelings that you own. Listen to them, the whispers calling you. They’re stories that they need you now to hear. Your aching cells are not going away, they’re telling you that something in your life just isn’t right.
It’s not going to be easy, but you’ve got this. Don’t push against what naturally needs to flow. Your heart will talk to you, if you’re patient and still. It will communicate just what you need to do. No need to feel so petrified, you have the entire universe—it’s inside you powerfully pulling you along. Just ask those voices to communicate slowly, softly and lightly. No need for harsh, hurried loud noise.
And here’s the thing, let me promise you: You are not alone despite your agonizing thoughts. There are others, thousands, out there, possibly even millions, each one also struggling to find the doorway through.
And so, I reached for them, with shaking hands. I searched until their voices led me home. Their lights guided me, and their shadows sheltered me, even though I was hiding, petrified of letting them near. But, they were people, with radiant love, who experience and feel their days just like you and I. Those warriors, with tender hearts, they’re courageous and will help you see this through.
They will talk you through, and calm your soul. They will hold your trembling hand and breathe with you, and they will lift and take you up, and unravel this despair.
I didn’t know them, they were strangers to me, but their gentle words shot through each splintered bone. My ribcage opened and allowed them in, and for the first time, I knew I was understood.
I swear to you, believe in me, when I tell you there’s compassion there for you. I’ve learned the hard way. I waited far too long, so head there and you’ll see that you belong. These kindly ones don’t know yet where to find you. Especially when you hide your pain-filled eyes. You have to summon courage and bravery and remove that fear and take your weary self to them. But when you do, they will wrap you up and soothingly tell you you’re gonna be just fine.
Trust me, please my dearest sad one. There’s nothing to lose but give this hope a chance. You may fear rejection, or awkwardness, but soon you’ll see those things just keep you stuck. There’s a world out there, it’s counting on you. You’re too essential to decide to give it up. You can count on me. There’s brilliance out there, but if you think I’m wrong, I am here, just ask me and I’ll be there to guide you while you look…
“There’s going to be days when you just don’t want to be here anymore. You just stay. You f***ing stay. Somewhere out there, somebody needs your voice. I promise. I swear to God, your laughter is someone’s saving grace. Hold on tight, baby. The sun is coming for you.” ~ Erin Van Vuren
For a selection of over 220 online support groups please click here.
Main Image unsplash StockSnap