I know you believe you are difficult to love.
You, with your fiery heart and haunted eyes, have held onto this thought and kept is safely locked inside.
You have to throw away those tired old tales of nonsense they told you in the dark of the night. Discard those stories, shatter the fragments of everything they whispered.
You have left the edge of the thunderstorm and you are cascading fearlessly causing a disturbance as you go. You know this. Yet, you continue anyway.
No one should dare stand in your way and prevent you from spinning wildly.
You are a hurricane, a thrilling vortex of rebellious wind, adventuring while passionately awakening treacherous and gallant hearts.
You are nature’s stunningly innocent though thoroughly destructive force. Fascinating and beautiful, you broke free from the stormiest clouds.
Others have tried to stop you, soothe you and calm your speed so they could control you.
While some simply protected themselves by building walls to defend, barricade or guard against your intoxicating and mystifying touch.
They all failed to halt or captivate you. They never had the tools to unlock the code to your mesmerising brazenly-beating heart.
You mystify those who have tried to know you. They have fallen to their knees and pleaded with you to rest, stay awhile and slow your speed, or begged you to alter or abandon your journey.
They have called you elusive, impossible, difficult, troublesome and said you were a complexly cold and callous soul. The truth is that you were mythical to them. The forbidden fruit they could not taste. An enigma they’ll never crack.
You have far too much electricity for their wiring to bear. You would shock, electrify, or overload their earth. Some resisted but others got burned and were left with open scars.
They cannot forget you. You will forever puzzle and enthrall their minds as they frantically try to make sense of your existence.
You bewitch them, charm them, enchant them, seduce them, addict them and leave them bounding from your spell.
You know this.
Yet, you cannot stay still. You do not pause. You will never slow down.
You have a deep fear of getting too close to a furnace that can only warm the bones of your rib-cage. They will never penetrate what lies beneath.
Not because you do not want love. Of course you ache to feel love.
But you need to be moved by the one who burns from both fire and ice.
You are not here to please or pander to one side of a safe and carefully planned out cardboard game. Those games are easy for some but so dull and difficult for you. You would go insane with the sanity some find in settling, compromising or selling out to find ease.
You don’t want to mask your flaws. You want the one who challenges you to face your demons when they quiver and tremble, or when they sting to alert you with a bite.
You want someone who doesn’t fall, disappear through cracks or whose bones won’t break when love kicks way too hard. Because love can hurt… love can hurt.
Not because love harms. Love is not vicious nor is it cruel.
But when love comes knocking it painfully breaks down hardened well-built walls.
This is love. It is delicate. But it also cuts you wide open till it forces you to feel.
Love is safe. You can free fall into and straight through love. Though real love comes with pain. Satisfying pain. If you open up to it, unravel and peel away the layers you will feel each gentle caring stroke and every excruciatingly bittersweet blow.
Love helps you to see, to open your eyes and asks you not to be afraid of the beauty and beast inside.
You are not scared of this pain, but there are others who are.
So no, it is not that you are difficult, although some find you intrinsically difficult to love.
You are real, vividly feeling and vibrating madly to intensely feel alive.
And you want to feel it all.
You are much too much to be figured out, made sense of or tamed.
You just want to be held by someone unafraid, one who does not quiver or shake when restless demons call to play.
You are a challenge. Intriguing. You are terrifying even. You petrify most.
Do not fear. Do not feel rejected. Do not change.
Do not ever let them blend or tone your colours, dim your lights or scribble and scrawl all over your shades.
Keep free falling, keep rotating and swirling through the night.
Don’t stop. Don’t pause. Don’t look back.
Not everyone knows how to love you.
Thunderstorms excite some and put fear into the core of others.
Find the ones who get chills from the roars in the sky.
Find those who do not ricochet or falter when you step a little closer.
They see the calm in your chaos and you bring chaos to their calm.
And they love through it all. Whenever the wind blows they won’t step back, board windows and lock down shutters. They will hold tight to take the wild ride on the edge of the storm.
You are not difficult to love.
It is just difficult to find someone strong enough to tell you this.
As when someone is brave enough to look into the eye of the hurricane, it stirs them to unveil their weaknesses and strengths. You spark something in them.
The one who deserves you is the one who will never think of you as difficult. Not ever.
They will stay—spiralling inwards, changing, rapidly rotating and still standing regardless, without taking cover—through it all.
Main Image pixabay Carlyn1982