It can be soul-crushing when you love someone who doesn’t show love in the same way back—when they choose not to be with you.
People may say we’re crazy for holding on, but they don’t understand. We’re not actually holding on. It is love that is holding on to us.
It doesn’t matter how many times we try to rationalize our feelings. Those constant mind ramblings won’t count for anything.
It is not the mind that has chosen.
The mind wants to escape. It’s tired of our aching, relentlessly-tugging heart, and it frantically tries to pull us away—often to no avail as our heart is stronger.
In an ideal world, the one we love also loves, wants, needs and chooses us in the same way.
But here’s the thing not everyone seems to understand:
Someone can love us with their entire heart and still not be ready to meet us in love.
And just because they aren’t ready doesn’t mean they don’t still desire to love and be loved.
There are some people out there who are so afraid to be loved, they just cannot seem to open up the door, however badly they want to.
When love is near, they instinctively recoil and back away. It’s a primal fear, a basic survival instinct. They are scared to expose themselves and become vulnerable, and they also feel the threat of being left broken if the one they love leaves.
Soul resonation can be complicated and messy, because when someone feels like home, we are drawn to return, but we sometimes find that we don’t belong there.
People may say there are other souls out there who will feel like home, but that is one of the greatest lies ever told about love. Because we don’t consciously choose who to love.
Sometimes—whether a blessing or a curse—there is just one person we will find in our lifetime whose soul vibrates harmoniously with ours.
It won’t matter if we’ve known this person a solitary minute, or we’ve known them forever, the instant soul-affinity cannot be denied, no matter how hard we try.
When two vibrations match, the force of the entire magnificent universe will not be able to tear that bond apart.
And the devastating part is that the one we feel this connection with won’t always be in an emotionally safe place where they feel able to choose us.
And when they don’t choose us, the ghost of their love will remain at our side. If we don’t understand it, it can torture, taunt and haunt us.
The energetic bond created by soul resonation embeds underneath the skin so deep that the lingering remnants of the past will feel at times like a storm passing through.
So we are tempted to return to the one we love and wade our way through to soothe the chaos inside. But that road can be muddy, messy and cause immense heart aching.
Despite what anyone says, just because someone doesn’t choose us doesn’t mean that they don’t want to choose us.
I’ve heard countless men and women explain how madly and deeply they’ve loved someone and how they share a rare and unique dynamic, but they just can’t find the path that travels through.
It simply isn’t true that if it’s the right person, it will also magically be the right time.
Timing can be cruel, but please don’t be mistaken into thinking that love is being cruel too.
Unhealed wounds, scars and the ego are extremely strong and powerful things as they magnify flaws, pain, imperfections and weaknesses. Love is a gentle, more graceful force, but it is equally strong and powerful; it sees and accepts it all and doesn’t easily give up and let go.
We talk of loving unconditionally and accepting people as they are, but we often forget to mention that in romantic relationships, we aren’t always prepared to love unconditionally if that person isn’t able to be everything we hoped they might be. We sometimes just want to love the version of them that suits our expectations, and when we have needs, conditions or demands, we aren’t fully open to or accommodating of unconditional love.
This isn’t to say that we ever need to stay in a relationship where the dynamics aren’t healthy. However, it does mean that if we are surrendering to the highest form of love, it asks that we accept and continue to love people exactly as they are and not who we have twisted them to be in our mind.
I understand this isn’t easy, and it will terrify many to even consider the thought. But if someone loves us with the same intensity as we love them, then we can try not to let past emotional traumas (or even their pride and ego) get in the way.
We can continue loving the only way our hearts know, even if it means we cannot physically be with that person.
We can fill our own hearts and lives up with enough unconditional love that it really won’t matter if what we are receiving is exactly the same as what we are sending out.
If someone loves us but doesn’t choose us, we still have choices. We can choose to continue to love anyway, or we can close doors and attempt to quell the fire burning in our determined hearts. But the latter won’t come effortlessly.
This isn’t about the unrequited love of the ones who don’t love us, the ones who are abusive or the ones who have committed to others. It’s about those who are able to express their love, but their fear paralyses them—and they don’t quite know what to do.
Sadly, all too often, it seems that the one who knows how to give and receive love doesn’t always know what to do when they are not chosen. So they eventually try to close their heart and leave.
And the world is full of this kind of hidden love.
Patience doesn’t always come easy, but when we meet one of those once-in-a-lifetime loves, it is definitely worth giving it as much as we’ve got—and then maybe some more. It’s important to remember that love is love, it has no rules – it breaks through time, space and distance.
“A soulmate usually only comes once in your life to shake things up, show you true love, and stand up to you in ways no one else ever has. They adore you, yet challenge you to your fullest potential. A soulmate relationship isn’t only peaches and cream, it’s also roses with thorns.” ~ Author unknown
Writing: Alex Myles
Main Image Pixabay Niko_Shogol