I Knew, The Moment I Saw You

The moment I saw you, I knew.

But this love of ours has not been a fairy tale.

Even though I recognized you the moment we met, I rarely recognize your ways.

You bewilder me with almost every word you speak. Your actions are unfamiliar and often crush me into the ground.

Though I know you aren’t intentionally harmful, you are you and I am learning that love doesn’t always play out the way I want it to—it isn’t always delicate and gentle.

Sometimes it forces me beyond my limits and far past the ideal image my imagination has conjured up.

We have both heard romantic declarations from others before, so we navigate this labyrinth tentatively.

You are not the first person I’ve loved and I am not the first for you.

And yet, it scares me that I don’t always know how to love you. I don’t always know how to be soft or what you need or know how to soothe or understand the tender, anxious parts of yourself you keep hidden away.

There are days I know my presence wounds you and rips and tears at your scars. You trigger and emotionally injure me too.

We are both afraid, and at times our vulnerabilities overwhelm us and we want to reject one another and run and attempt to mask how we feel. We turn and pretend that rivers of anger, sadness or frustration aren’t rolling down our cheeks.

And through it all we do not condemn one another for not quite being ready or for having weaknesses, insecurities and flaws, that even the strongest, wisest trees in the forest would be tempted to contract from.

We have both dealt with loss and we are no strangers to suffering, and although we have healed from our past and know we have warrior-like strength, we have still never risked destroying this sacred connection.

We stand tall, but our swords and shields are down, as we have no desire to inflict pain on one another during battle.

We are wild forces of nature—territorial at times—intrigued and cautiously leaning closer to learn more about the inner workings of the other’s soul.

We are slowly discovering how you are so used to receiving that you struggle to give, and how I am so used to giving that I struggle to receive.

Our quirks and differences mean we are complicated and messy at love, but somehow we overcome it and cancel out one another’s chaos.

We consistently show up and consciously choose to be embroiled together in this extraordinary mystery where we expose fragile aspects of our cracked hearts and willingly allow the unraveling of magnificence that has spun up within our minds.

We explore and stretch and fearlessly debate with one another, half-stubbornly refusing to lose our identities, and at the same time, pushing at heavy barriers to expose what truths await us on the other side.

You untangle and untether me and give me the courage to live unbounded by the generations of chains intended to anchor my divine feminine energy. You leave me untamed—wild and free to roam uninhibited—and blessed with your trust and the intuitive knowing that I’ll return to your side.

You move through me, calm and controlled at times, and like a tornado at others, stimulating and shaking me sensually, sexually, spiritually, emotionally, mentally and physically.

It matters not whether you are “the one” or whether you’ll stay a day or a lifetime. I will strive to love you with everything I have, even when I’m terrified that tomorrow I might wake and find that you’re gone.

Our love isn’t perfect and there are some who would frantically reject it; and there are those who would call it settling for less.

Some would say wait for the one who is ready, wait for the one who is unbroken, whole and stable, wait for the one who has done their soul work. Wait for the one who can give and receive equally and mutually—but I fiercely disagree.

I believe that when two people are powerfully and magnetically pulled toward one another, love rises up and abolishes every harsh, uncompassionate expectation and condition.

I believe that whether we are ready or not, we should abandon over-analyzing and instead accept one another––laughing, loving and sometimes losing a part of ourselves through honoring the call which allows two unprepared souls the opportunity to touch and dance.

It is rare that someone comes along and lights an internal, eternal fire and with love turns your world upside down. So when it happens, embrace it, run madly with it and give it as much as you’ve got to give.

The right person isn’t looking for unrealistic demands. They are looking for you, exactly as you are now—complete, worthy, deserving and so much more than enough.

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Writing: Alex Myles

Main Image Pixabay Foundry

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