I Will Love You…. Always

I knew when we met.

Not by the way you looked, but by how your energy vibrated intensely and melted tension I never knew I held. When you wrapped your strong arms around me, I was magnetically drawn into you, and it changed me in ways that words can’t describe.

For the first time in my life, I wasn’t scared to let love in. I didn’t feel anxious that you might disappear and never return my call. I wasn’t afraid that tomorrow you’d suddenly change your mind and decide not to choose me. I trusted, and you caught my fall.

I know I am going to love you, for real—and though forever is far in the distance, I hope to be feeling the way I do now for always.

You feel natural to me. The way you laugh, talk, walk…the way you reach out for my hand, just to feel me close to you. Your soul-staring eyes, your kindness, and the way you light up a room with your tales moves me.

You are fearless—you dive deep into my inner world and never flinch, despite what you see.

You mesmerise me—and I, you—both of us getting tangled in each other’s worlds. Beautifully tangled, though not in that spider’s web, sticky, trapped way. There is freedom here.

I hope you open up and let me love you the way you deserve to be loved. And, I don’t mean that surface, superficial love. I want to love you through to the parts that have been blamed, shamed, frightened, and hidden from view.

Will you let me hold you when your day has been rough, when your blood boils hot, and you’re holding your fury and frustration inside? Will you know that it’s okay to crumble and let me witness your pent-up emotions spiraling free?

Will you be brave enough to let a tear roll down your cheek when you feel fragile or when something has affected you deeply, even if it’s just a sad movie, your favourite team getting beaten, or seeing a dying bird on the street?

On those days, when your mind feels heavy, and tormenting thoughts are trying to destroy your peace—then I will tell you to lay your head on my lap, while I fend off those demons by loving you thoroughly, skin and bone.

I know we will hurt one another sometimes. We will ebb and flow, be strong and weak, and there may be days we just want to give in. That’s what love is. It’s the acceptance that things are not always going to be perfect. We are not just there for the good days, the ones where we’re high on life and everything falls into place.

Love is the dark and chaotic days too. The silly fights over who left the refrigerator door open through the night, or who leaves their shoes in the middle of the floor to be tripped over each and every day. It is all love. The big fights are love too, because they will be fought with compassion and care—even when words furiously tumble out at times, as they will quickly turn lighter and softer, and we will smile slowly, knowing the storm is on its way out.

We have both lost in the past. We’ve been hurt, betrayed, battered, and broken. We have a few scars, hidden and visible, and an open wound or two. But neither of us are victims. We’ve marched out warrior strong, courageously holding white flags, our heads reminding us at every step that “there will be no surrender,” as there are better things ahead.

Our hearts don’t know how to lie; they are made up of “too much” love that spills over, so we give, water, and nourish—we don’t know how to love any other way. And though, in the past, we’ve both given until we’ve almost burned out, we don’t have regrets—because we believe that even the hardest, most calloused souls need loving too.

This time is different, though. Finally, we’re learning that love feels divine and fulfilling when it’s given and received. We’re learning that it’s okay to make love and take love, though it feels strange and uncomfortable at times, but that’s only because it’s still new.

We are growing and stretching together as we challenge one another. Know that showing pure emotion is not for the weak; vulnerability is magnificent and powerful, and it is reserved for the brave.

It is a privilege to lie next to you at night—to hear you softly breathe, to feel your thumping heartbeat, to entwine limbs, and feel your warm and tender skin close to mine.

The only way I can explain this is that our hearts are lovers from a far-off past. Our souls recognised one another before our eyes had met. I have loved you since before, and I will love you again in future lives, so I never fear when you wander too far.

We may not have material wealth, but we’re richer than I ever dreamed. You’re a treasure chest, my love, filled with a little junk, some diamonds, and many precious pearls. And darling, mostly I’m just thankful that your heart beats in this world.

Whatever happens—whatever comes our way—I will be here, holding space, and loving you always.

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Writing: Alex Myles

Main Image Pixabay.com

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